I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
this is an emotional support booty call
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
