You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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