Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
