I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
