I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
