John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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