Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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