somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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