maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
