I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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