Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
