just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
