mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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