He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
