Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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