i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
