The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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