Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
