I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
