I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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