i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
