I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My penis needs a shock collar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
