she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
