And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
