Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk is not a location!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
