Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
