I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
