i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is wine microwaveable?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
