my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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