I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
