There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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