I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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