Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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