got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's the barista slut.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
