If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
