I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
