Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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