i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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