this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
