Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
