You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
