NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
