I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
ok first of all what the fuck
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
