I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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