You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
