i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
