She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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