How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
