i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bring money and cleavage
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom