I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.