I didn't shave. On purpose
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho