So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery