dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
