I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
