Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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