My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
