I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
