she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
