I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
