No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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