so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if only i could text you this smell
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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