Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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