i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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