the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
