I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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